Memories from the Road

Andi, Stevie and I recently took a road trip to Las Vegas for my niece Danielle's wedding.  Here are some highlights....

Stevie:  [Half a mile from the driveway]  AAAAAA!  WE FORGOT HOCUS POCUS!  AAAAAAAA!
[I turned around, returned home and Stevie ran into the house to get the movie for her portable DVD player.]

Ted on the phone:  [Half a mile again from the driveway]  Honey, you forgot your camera!
Me:  I don't need no stinkin' camera.....
(BTW, it was 12 degrees F when we left)

* * * *

Stevie: [At the Agricultural Checkpoint on the California border near Alturas]  Grandma, why are we stopping?
Me:  Well, honey, California is one of the largest food producing states in the country, so they need to protect their crops from pests like the Mediterranean Fruit Fly which almost decimated their food industry --
Stevie [interrupting]:  Are you talking to me?

* * * *

Stevie:  [After announcing she had to go to the bathroom]  I want to wait for a rest stop.
Me:  Stevie, we're pretty far away from the nearest rest stop.  You're going to have to learn to go in the desert.
Stevie:  I can hold it!
[Andi and I explain to Stevie that it's something she's going to have to learn how to do at some time, since there isn't always a toilet around.  I pull over and Andi shows Stevie how it's done, handing her some toilet paper to use.  Andi instructed her to dispose properly of the toilet paper, at which point Stevie tosses it in the air like a kite, and the breeze threatens to blow it back into the car.]
Andi and Me:  AAAAAAAAAA!

* * * *

Andi and Me: [Generally discussing the fact we are overweight and how hard it is to lose pounds]
Stevie:  Can I have a Tic Tac, Grandma?
Me:  Sure, honey.  But don't have too many or you'll get a bellyache.
[Andi and I continue on the subject of our excess weight.]
Stevie:  You're not fat, Grandma, you're thin.
Me:  [Pause]  Have the whole pack of Tic Tacs, sweetie.

* * * *

Stevie:  Mommy, my tummy hurts. 
[Andi lays back her seat so she and Stevie can cuddle].
Stevie:  [50 miles later] Mommy, my head hurts.
[Andi again lays back her seat to hug Stevie].
Me: [Later, after another complaint] Sweetheart, if you want your mommy to lay back her seat so you can hug her, just say so.  I'm starting to wonder if you need to go to a doctor and get an examination!
[Pause]
Stevie:  Mommy, I'm having chest pains.

* * * *

I have to say, considering how long that poor little girl was stuck in the backseat of a Prius, she was so good that Santa should use her for an example of "nice."  While I'm not ready for another road trip any time soon, this one was a lot more entertaining than many!

Happy Nevada Day - er, Halloween - everyone!